Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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