We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
