I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
