I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
