i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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