he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
