apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't turn off my feet"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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