I'm really into asian looking animals
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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