we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
