drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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