Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
