My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
