please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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