People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
