is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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