I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
