the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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