im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
