I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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