The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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