so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
