Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
