At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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