I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
