Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
