life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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