Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
