yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So here I am, sexting at work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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