Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
