Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize