Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
