Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
