I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I puked a lego.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
