just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
