literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
