the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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