Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
