Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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