she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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