I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
