your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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