just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How does one acquire holy water?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
