hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
