It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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