Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
where are my eyebrows?
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