I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
