she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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