My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
