dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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