Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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