That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
