As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
