life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize