So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
