these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you remember whose house we're in?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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