I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
