yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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