I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
