Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Green mimosas i think yes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
