Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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