ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
