Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
why is half of my head shaved?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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