Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
