Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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