i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
