the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
