Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
