Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
