She's never allowed to turn 21 again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's never too late to be topless.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
