The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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