You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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