dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
