I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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